Maiden on the Carousel

I know where i stand.

2011-09-24T19:46:00.000+08:00

Boring friday afternoon

2011-09-23T16:44:00.007+08:00

Was too bored, so i began to play with curlers at home. Heh, after seeing jlow in curls which turns out rather nice, I got quite curious how i will look in curls. So yeah, just fiddled with my hair a bit plus camwhore a bit.. this is the outcome.

Definitely need to grow longer hair length to pull it off, but my hair seems to stop growing when it reaches this length. Hmm, maybe it's time to have a new hairstyle

2011-09-14T23:47:00.002+08:00

Friends come and go, drift and disappear do they?

Even your very best friends?

Especially when stepping into a new phase of life, your existence got buried into their sea of busy life, like a forgotten part of memory.

14/9/2011

2011-09-14T00:21:00.005+08:00

The night before dawn is always the darkest, I hope dawn is coming soon because I have enough of darkness. I've never ever been so emotionally dependant on someone like this before, and I'm really grateful to the person who's always standing there for me. Although thank you is probably not the word you are hoping to hear.

Am I too selfish?

pictures credit to leilockheart.tumblr.com

一场睡不醒的恶梦

2011-09-11T16:59:00.002+08:00

Walking alone in this endless tunnel

The darkness enveloping me into the sea of nothingness,

eroding my faith, robbing me from the only glimpse of hope i can hold onto.

I need no patronising consolation. I want to hear none of those.

Because aspiration and reality is just a line apart, if you are hanging on a fine thread like i do, you know I don't have the luxury to.

I've failed myself, I'm angry with life, I'm disappointed with people.

I need to move on.

Tell me how to pick up the pieces of me.

joblesss

2011-08-21T01:35:00.004+08:00

No longer a student, current status unemployed for 4 months. I hate this stage of my life!! Why issit so hard to get a job i want? How long more must i try? How many more times must i get rejected? Should i really succumbed to the reality that's set upon me?

I'm just so tired... nothing seems to be. right

But

Voiceless cries, deafening silence

2011-05-23T23:53:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i feel that there's nobody I could pour out to.
Has anyone ever realised that i seldom speak of my heart matters? They had probably think that I'm just someone unsympathetic and devoid of feelings.

I just find that people complains too much, about how things doesn't go their way and that they worry too much. I hate it when people rush over to coax the little kid throwing tantrum and getting upset. Which is why many trivial issues i choose to keep it to myself.

But i guess bottling up reflects a stronger upfront. For the longest time, I have been playing the role of the listening ear. I feel tired of listening to problems too, so sometimes i avoid them... Call that an act of selfishness, I just cannot handle them, cannot always be there for someone who constantly feels unhappy. The more I couldn't even speak about the problems that I have been facing. How can I expect someone to cheer me up when they are drowning in their own sorrow. Sometimes I feel that nobody is truely listening to me, to my problems.

I really need an exchange of roles, I could really use a listening ear.

Top 10 Myths about Introverts

2011-05-02T01:58:00.002+08:00

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ

So.. i just realised i'm probably a introvert. I checked at #1 to #4, #5 and #7... They are just too apt to describe me.. Oh.. so surprising.

Just a dream

2011-03-29T21:23:00.002+08:00

Randoms

2011-02-15T00:31:00.006+08:00

And if she ever feel’s like shes being neglected tell her you admire her. Always tell her you love her, don’t make it annoying just at moments when its right. When she’s upset, hold her tight. Pick her out of all the girls you hang out with. Play with her hair. Pick her up and wrestle with her. Tell her jokes, pick on her sometimes. Bring her flowers, just because. Hold her hand and run around. Play some sports with her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Sing to her, no matter how bad you sound. Get her mad, then kiss her. Give her space when needed. Push her on the swings. Tell her she looks beautiful. When she’s sad, stay on the phone with her, even if she’s not talking. Look into her eyes and smile. Kiss her on the forehead. Massage her back when she’s stressed. Slow dance with her, even if there’s no music. Kiss her in the rain. And when you’ve fallen in love with her, tell her. And trust me, when she see’s all that you have done she will appreciate this, and give you everything if not even more in return. <3

Stevenrosas

8 Jan 2010

2011-01-08T02:39:00.004+08:00

Life is such an irony isn't it?

“When you’re out there looking for that perfect person, keep these things in mind - People change, no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older you mature, and with each new level of maturity come different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at twenty could be the person you hate when you’re thirty-five. You have to find some one who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They do not exist. There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other. You deserve to be happy not in the arms of someone who keeps you waiting but in the arms of someone who will take you now.”

— J.M. Whitaker

30th Nov 2011

2010-11-30T15:35:00.003+08:00

Look at that! Omg, NYC must have been such a wonderful place during autumn. That very bridge over that, if i'm i'm not wrong is the Bow Bridge.

Christmas is coming soon.. Really wonder how is it to feel like plunging into a pile of snow; to go around decorating your house with dazzling christmas lightings. Although the weather outside is exceptionally cold, you're all wrapped up in the warmth from the fireplace and the warmth from seeing all the happy, familiar faces of your loved ones.

another familiar place i guess.. golden gate bridge?

Lol

2010-10-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

“ In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

Woody Allen (via beautilation)
(via arbitrarily)

You know autumn is here

2010-10-14T10:30:00.003+08:00

Sometime, someday i wish i can experience the 4 seasons.

2010-10-07T23:33:00.002+08:00

“Sometimes you have to test someone. Not cause you don’t trust them, but to see how much they’ll sacrifice for you. And sometimes you have to let them go; not cause you suddenly stopped loving them, but to see if they love you enough to come back.”

You are not dead yet

2010-09-11T23:01:00.002+08:00

Because I've revived you.

I fall in love with magic kingdom

Just for you

2010-07-22T09:08:00.000+08:00

Disheartening...

2010-04-11T23:56:00.004+08:00

is when the hardwork you put into produce results no way near what you think you deserve. It's has been mentally demanding for me this few days, having to churn out time for quiz revision, presentation, lab report and assignments every single week. It's like a work package i have to submit. Not mentioning the pile of tutorials waiting to be completed. Study week is here, but it doesn't feel like one anyway.

I need extra time! I just realise it's possible to gain additional 12 hrs by just flying from sg to usa. HAHA! And u can fast forward time as well, by flying the opposite direction.

I'm dying to go picnic before WnT! =( Seems like time doesn't allow me...

Been there, done that

2010-03-10T16:40:00.012+08:00

Another recess is over, in a blink of an eye! Guess this is the only recess wk that i've enjoyed so far without having to worry over any mid-term quizzes, assignments and project.

Finally had some time to meet-up and discussing a bit about our US trip. But we were rather unprepared so in the end, it wasn't informative anyway. Sent our bridge-leader, huan huan off to her germany trip, playing mahjong overnight at serene's house.

Had my first ever night cycling adventure with my adventurous friends. Well, that night started off with a bang, literally. Yes, a bang involving one car crashing into 3 cars. =( Let me recount what exactly happen. Hmm, we were driving on the fastest lane of CTE, along Braddell, and were chatting. I mean, usual normal chat, when the car infront of us stopped. I wouldn't say that it was a sudden stop, cos expressway tends gets a little more busier on a friday night, so the stop wasn't a surprising one. The first response of K was to zam brake and a natural reflex to prevent me from 'flying' out of my seat. But everything just happened in a split of a second, before i realise that the car was still moving and the fact that K apparently didn't zam brake all the way, we were already sent crashing into a cab infront, and 2 more cars way in front.

The sian-ness of crashing in somebody's car due to your fault sets in right at the moment when your car came to a stop. And the feeling of you indirectly causing the driver to drive the way into an accident is even worst. Because the driver bears the cost of the damage, while i bear the guilt. I know there's practically nothing much i can do. I can't pay for the damage unless maybe if my parents print money, and that K insurance premium would prolly shoot up. Hais. ultimate guilty.

I knew something wasn't right and had a deja vu that day. But i just brushed away the thought, thinking i was just affected by the news regarding the car accident involved that romanian guy. Eh, come the think of it, even K mentioned that he had second thought of going night cycling because he got some trainings in the morning the following day. Oh my... I think that's kind of creeppy

The funny thing was we still continued with our night cycling activity though the accident was quite a wet blanket. Rented bikes, and we started our journey from ecp to changi and had red tea longan at Changi V. Met up with the couple, continue cycling to tampines, hougang, amk, thomson. Another binging break at roti prata place. Thomson to novena, orchard, cityhall where we camwhore the most and finally back to ecp. It was a painful experience. HAHaa, for my thigh and butt. I think i'm the most complainy person throughout. But hee, have to understand that i barely even jog or exercised after As. Home sweet home at 9am the following day, wash up, napped and headed out agn at 12, with the soreness in my thigh.

Went Botanical gardens with aunty yong, had a cooling traditional biskuit sandwiched ice-cream. Found a comfy and shady spot where we nuahed for the rest of the afternoon chatting, people-watching. It has been quite some time since aunty yong and i dated. Hahahaa. Regret being not prepared for a picnic. I loveeeeee the place!

Yupp, so that's my beautifully spent recess wk.

2010-02-03T22:46:00.003+08:00

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.”

Chuck Palahniuk

4th week of sch?

2010-02-01T23:54:00.002+08:00

Make-up lecture and tutorial in the very first week of school. How cool is that?
Following a few more weeks of assignments, group presentations. This has been the past activities i've been doing. Going nowhere consecutively for 2 weekends, i almost cried my head off and lost my sanity.

Yes! Mugging-mode totally, because I need to see light in my GPA.

Ok, more interesting stuff.
I'm going USA during summer break!! Being employed as cheap labour in a big city, but excited!! Bring it on!

Roll One

2010-01-18T21:12:00.009+08:00

Sent my first roll of film from Dreamer for development, only managed to have 7 photos developed successfully out of 12 shots. 3 of which i wasted because i overwind it. And the 2 photos left which i think most probably were over-exposed. Personally, i feel that using film like ISO100 is quite difficult to judge the lighting condition. Which is why i end up under-exposing some and over-exposing the others.

1. Taken in the car, have got absolutely no idea why there's this rim of light

2. Taken at sentosa, double-exposure (my fave!)

3. Taken at sentosa, no tripod!!!Bulb mode, 3mins or so.

4. Taken while prawning

So, what's in store?

2010-01-05T00:48:00.001+08:00

School holiday finally!

A better year to come

2010-01-02T11:15:00.004+08:00

As we spread our arms to embrace and welcome to year 2010, we unknowingly bid goodbye to 2009. Let us not forget those events of life, love, dreams,inspirations, expectations, disappointments as we move along. The things that had happened, the things we wished it didn't; we are going to make it all right.

Adios 2009, Hola awesome 2010!

Make-believe

2009-12-27T23:01:00.003+08:00

Things i hope to do before 2009 is over

A great haircut to a more comfortable hair-length
High tea-ish kind of picnic at botanical garden (where we have great food, snacks, pot of tea, playing dress-up)
Some significant and memorable event to end off the year 2009 (well of course smt happy tt is)
Learn to express my own thoughts and feelings

Btw, i can't believe someone calls me cupcake.. I'm too flattered by tt alias. I had tt person stopped.

Just Breathe

2009-12-17T22:13:00.006+08:00

Seriously need some kind of inspiration. Nothing spurs me nowadays.

I need an outlet to spend money. OOps XD!

2009-12-10T17:19:00.002+08:00

Had fun editting =)

2009-12-10T14:54:00.003+08:00

People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like
characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters
have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with
new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones,
not the ones from the past.
- the rescue -

A Bow and Ribbon Affair

2009-12-09T21:32:00.006+08:00

via tryphena

hearthrobs?

2009-11-30T23:02:00.004+08:00

Yay! <-----------------------------> Nay~

2009-11-22T21:29:00.004+08:00

All things beautiful

Credits: Misswallflower,tweexcore

My rendevous with...

2009-11-21T18:00:00.004+08:00

Okay, this happened like quite some time ago, but anw who can get so suay like me.
I was having lunch at my colleagues at the makeshift tentage cos the canteen is under renovation, eating hor fun. When i was about to finish, a drop landed on my hand. I took a closer look and i thought that i accidentally splattered the hor fun gravy onto my hand. Wanted to smell it, i hesitated, pull back, and looked up. And i saw this small bird resting on the metal railings. -.-" Wad a great welcoming dessert from a bird. Best part of it is, the bird's poo actually resemble hor fun's gravy. Thank god i didn't attempt to smell or worst, lick it.. EWWW...

A few days later, we were making our way back to office after having lunch. A friend of mine and i were walking behind my supervisor and he spotted this insect clinging on my supervisor's shirt. Then he asked me to help her get rid of it, like brush it off her back. I was sceptical because though it's obvious something is clinging there, it doesn't seems like a insect. And the most stupid thing is though i highly doubt it's an insect, i still use my hand to brush it off. -.-" I swear i burst out laughing the moment i realise it's not an insect but bird's poo again. Almost roll on the floor with the friend of mine. I was soooooo innocent, cause i'm not the one who should get the poo, and for both times, i touched it!! Like how suay... people got it on their shirt, at least not coming in contact you get... Grr..

2009-10-15T21:06:00.002+08:00

"It’s just something that happens as you grow up. You
realize it’s less important to have more friends and it’s more important to have
real ones."

Laguna Beach via littlemiss

I've grown up =)

Simply can't

2009-10-11T15:36:00.008+08:00

Audrey hepburn complex

"

How do you leave the past behind, when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart?

"
little miss

Tell me how to accept the past, deal with the present, how to move on when it's always trailing behind? Sometimes i wish i'm a little more forgetful than i already am.

Eye-ing

2009-10-04T23:16:00.008+08:00

for a lomo..... because it takes beautiful photos and i simply love its exterior.

Diana Aviator (Special Ed)

Diana Dreamer (Special Ed)

Diana F+ (original version)

Diana F+ can be found anywhere, but Diana Dreamer and Aviator can only be found on Urban Outfitter.

Was with my family at ion this evening when we chance upon a florist and they have this very nice steel white coated birdcage. HEARTS!!! Was wondering if it's for sales or just part of the deco.

I'm up in the mood for DIY and crafts! I just need a little push..

I'm at a lost deciding what to do for my 21st.

I'm too bored, i need to keep myself occupied..

Things you can never forget

2009-09-28T21:38:00.001+08:00

There are just some things that you don’t forget, because it has been once such a beautiful memory in our life it etched in our heart. The friendship forged, so impeccable then, yet so vulnerable now. Reality tore it all apart.

Don’t speak, don’t think, don’t defend. Just reminisce.

And so..

2009-09-21T22:35:00.004+08:00

We finally found Mount Emily.. HAahaa!

People always like to find someone who gives the attention they want. But it’s
really not about you being the person you want to show the world, it’s about you
being who you really are that makes people admire and enjoy your company.

I should know my capacity

2009-09-13T22:37:00.000+08:00

Went grocery shopping with mummy and sis earlier on. We passed by the refridgerator section and saw a young boy having difficulty in reaching for the box of ice-cream that is quite high up. He nearly tried to step on the bench-level fridge in grab his price-possession. Looking at how he yearns to get it down, i went forward and help him only to realise, hmm.. i nearly couldn't reach it too!

But still i manage to get it down and i offered it to him. Then he told me that he wanted the box that is further in and asked if i can help him if that. I burst out laughing and sounded very awkwardly, "HAHA! I dun think i can reach it too..." >.< Then my mum came to our rescue and picked the box up from the fridge and handled to the boy.

Super paiseh.
For once i thought i'm tall enough to help others. LOL!

06 Sept 09

2009-09-06T02:41:00.003+08:00

Not blogging much lately, real reason is because i'm not supposed to blog abt workstuff. Nothing much really, apart from the weird behaving guy whom i always felt being stalked by. I was actually quite lucky to be able to escape safely from any funny attempts. Like how i manage to slip out from his sight and claw. HAHA!! I have to thanks my colleagues. Really, they always come to my rescue. Phew~

Woot, had an atas day! A yacht surprise party for Serene at keppel bay. My overall comment: yacht might be the highlight of the day, but the most commendable one will be the sincerity all of us can see from larry =)

blinksoflife.tumblr

2009-09-06T01:32:00.002+08:00

credits to photographer

You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck, or bad choices, or you can fight back. Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world. That’s just the way it is..

but for the most part… you get what you give.

Rest of your life is being shaped right now..
with the dreams you chase.. the choices you make and the person you decide to be.
The rest of your life is a long time..
and the rest of your life..

starts right now.

See no evil, hear no evil. Feel no evil

2009-08-30T14:38:00.000+08:00

This is a realistic world, afterall.
I don't see what's the big deal at all, all this frenzy and craze.

Desperados

Period.

2009-08-27T21:55:00.003+08:00

"Because sometimes there is no easy way out. You just have to grin and bear it. Sometimes the only escape route is to go straight through the flames, just brace yourself and bite your lip. Sometimes you have to sever the ties clean off. Because in every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can’t sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can’t keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return."

I just feel that this make sense totally

zZZzZzZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2009-08-09T00:02:00.003+08:00

i'm lazy to blog.
Lazy to type cos i'm not inspired to write anything and blogger refused to let me make lazy post by disabling the pic uploading function. Yupp, i'm still alive and kicking, leading a rather bleak and boring life. Everyday is actually quite gloomy for me. Heading out as early as 7 in the morning, and back home by 7 at night. omg, now then i realise i'm outside for 12 full hours...

Barely have any time for myself. Before i knew, it's time for me to sleep again.
Like a flower tt no longer blooms and a river tt no longer flows.

School holiday seems never ending. For once i wish i'm like the rest, squeezing with the crowd on the mrt, and the jerky n sandwich-ed ride on bus 179.

IA isn't that bad. It's just... hmm.. boring. BAHHH! I needa life!
YAY, pic can be uploaded!

2009-07-12T00:26:00.003+08:00

I want a tree house, add this to my dream-list.

6th July

2009-07-04T15:38:00.003+08:00

Getting senile lately. I keep forgetting to reply people's sms and replying people, though it's quite a natural response from me. So people forgive me if i happen to take a day or more to reply you =)

Yes, and the date you see above. It will be the day that officially marks the end of my holiday. Awww, i really want to maintain a tinge of optimism, but it's really difficult. Purr... Cos once IA starts, i really don't have anything to look forward to. At least for normal semester, there's a 1 week break? Well, u still hang around with friends and still get to play bridge? All this aren't going to happen when i'm working. The only nearest date to look forward to is prolly 5th of Dec. So i'll keep drumming my fingers waiting for the day to come.

21st birthday is another big headache. It had to fall on the week when everyone is busy with last min exam revision. So i would have to shift it to a date that's really early, prolly 2/3 weeks earlier, or shift it way back after my actual birthday. boo! I have another alternative, which is throw the whole birthday celebration out of my mind, save all the trouble..

I need a series of fortunate events...

Hangout

2009-06-29T14:02:00.008+08:00

Make a trip down to the flea at Old School ytd with jy. The crowd, the people, the clothes stash, the humid weather is what makes the flea, a flea. Haha! okay, i sounded quite dumb. Mountains of people and mountains of preloved/brand new items. It was quite an interesting place to visit i have to say, and i feel old over there cos i see lots of youngster prolly around the age of secondary sch kids.

I chance upon this booth, selling lots of accessories from accessorize and i got 2 little kiss-lock purse for just $6. Woot, i was so happy, cos i decided to check out the price at accessorize and guess what? Each cost $12.90! It was a steal! As for Jy, she bought a skirt for $8 and a pair of sandals for $23. And they have vespa over there! Okay, but not fantastic, cos they aren't my fave colour. I still like red vespa best! HAHAaa!

After the flea, we went down to bugis to get balloons for jy's birthday party and did some random shopping. Had Soup Spoon for dinner and nuah for sometime for a catching up cum chit-chat session. Then had the mango sago + ice-kreme dessert at Ah Chew before heading back to wdls, and more nuah-ing at my house before we call it for a day.

2009-06-22T09:58:00.001+08:00

OKay.. I'm left with a min to departure. HAHHA!
And i'm rushing off to post my last entry before boarding the flight to taipei.

Whee!

Cya people in 5 more days! So, till then!

Insomniac

2009-06-19T14:29:00.007+08:00

After regaining my appetite, i'm now having trouble falling asleep. So PEK CEK! Do you know how bad it is to lose sleep when you are actually very tired? My eyelids are now hanging half-way, and my brain not exactly functioning normally. It's been the third day, and i only manage to catch some sleep at 6am, but woke up at 11am. Previously i was still complaining i'm dreaming too much. *cries*

Anw, i was looking forward to the night cycling that was supposedly today, but it was cancelled =(. Well not sure whether i should be happy or sad. Cos i thought that night cycling would be the next best activity to do at night apart from sleeping. No point forcing myself to sleep when i obviously can't. But then, on the other hand, i was worried that night cycling after a few sleepless night will be too shag for my body to take it.

RARR!

I wanna do night cycling!

I wanna do prawning!

And i'm still gonna go for work later =( Thank god, it's the last day for me! Hurray... I'm starting to look forward to taiwan. Okie dokie, something interesting to see...

Yet another

2009-06-12T14:54:00.008+08:00

"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it. I never said there wouldn’t be tears, I just promised to be there if there was. I never said it would be true love, I only said you’d know if it was. I never promised it would be forever, I only said to love unconditionally and generously with no recognition of time. I never said to hold on at all costs, I only said one day you’d have to let go and be free. I never said you’d get the rainbow without getting through the rain, I only said the sun is always brighter than the storm. I never said you wouldn’t cry, or feel like your heart had died. I never said you wouldn’t change inside. And if I had, I’d have lied."
yourhandinmine via whosthatgirl

pretty awesome, how i wish i can boulder like pro

hilarious!

and this is for jy.

zZzzzZzzz

2009-06-10T15:46:00.002+08:00

I'm currently working 7-10pm at toa payoh HDB hub. Yes for 3 hours only if you are wondering it's some telemarketing job. I need to earn some allowance to support my taiwan expense. It's quite no life right, cos the timing is just nice, the timing when people chill out at some nice nice place. HAaa.

Berkelah trip with krabi people is postponed. Aww, so disappointed =( I was more eggcited abt it than my tw trip to be truthful. Probably i've finally found what i like ultimately. My life is starting to die down after the krabi trip seriously. I need excitement and colourssssssssss! I don't want to lead a boring life. I dread IA!!! I dread school!!!

Oh well, maybe i should be more practical afterall =(

2009-06-05T13:39:00.000+08:00

how sweet ~

Useless bum

2009-06-04T16:05:00.002+08:00

I feel so useless bumming around at home!! Hhaha.. Can anyone out there recommend me a short term job! =( I really couldn't help it. Can anyone tell me what's the best step for me to take now? Well, i'm left with 3 weeks before i'm flying over to tw with my family. And I'm starting IA on 6 July. And i have deficit income currently, still owe friends 21st birthday present share. I can't stayed at home cos my mom will nag at me to find a job (when there's basically very few jobs out there) and i can't go out because going out means spending money on transport and on food. Grr...I hate my current state!

I need a rich bf. HAHAHAA! Just kidding. =P

What should i do? really? I need to earn moolahs, cos the shopping expenses in tw is on ourselves. Moreover, i'm also really interested in the berkelah trip with the krabi 09 gang. It's really stretching my bank acct thin...

Anw, IA result is out. And i got attached to singapore test services. Judging from the job scope, i can predict how my life is going to turn out to be for the next sem.. ZzzzZZzz. It's laboratory-based stuff. T_T the one i most wanted to avoid from. I just hope everything will turn out fine for me. I will meet nice people, nice colleagues, nice supervisor, good grades, happy working environment, right?

Krabi '09

2009-05-30T23:14:00.004+08:00

Hello people! I'm back... woohhoo. Sooo totally krabified!
I think all of us had fun and enjoyed this trip and i can't wait to get all the photos taken from my newly made friends!
I'm a bit lazy to blog, but i want to rmb the details. So.. here goes a lengthy post!

25 June 09
After having pad thai and some morning glory-turn-out-to-be-kangkong lunch, we begin our 4days krabi stay by taking a boat that was parked by the shore. Yes.. the first thing we know is we had to get wet in order to board the boat. And for the next couple of days, we spent more time in our wet attire than in a clean dry dry outfit. Krabi is b-e-a-u-tiful I must say. Huge stone cliffs, clear blue water, clean shoreline. Probably the worst thing abt krabi is the weather. Extreme hotness with scorching sun or chilling wind accompanied by relentless rain. Then we reached railey west. The beautiful side of railey.. haha! But our resort, the yaya resort is at railey east. The not-so-nice-krabi. Haahaa! Life is Krabi is just so laid-back. After checking into our resort, we proceed on to our beach activities. Er... Mermaid and shark, pikachu volleyball and built-the-longest-sand-route. I would say the first 2 games are quite lame. HaahA!! Some nuahing on the beach and we had our first dinner and KO.

26 June 09
Rinse and shine, had our breakfast, and off we went, set off for our trekking activity. Trekking was ogay, still manageable. But it was drizzling a bit, tt's the turning-off part. Mosquito everywhere, but well they didn't really bother me.. Then we are suppose to cross a small portion of the sea, alone the cliff. But the tides were rather high and currents were strong. It was kind of scary cos we saw a woman attempting to cross when the water is like chest level high. And half way through, a huge wave poured over, and we didn't see her after tt. O.O well.... And we also saw like 2 caucasian rock climbing. So IMPRESSIVE!! Peifu peifu! Imagine the first to climb have to pave the safety route. So we waited, and waited. And we ate.. Mango sticky rice!! Awesome! I'm craving for it alrdy. When we finally crossover to the other side, we began bouldering on the stones cliff, while the rest continued to nuah at the beach. HAHa! After bouldering, we took a slightly more challenging trekking route down. For the rest of the day, we went to prangnan beach where we are supposed to do our cliff diving. But it was too dangerous, so i climbed up the cliff to watch the rest. It's an effable feeling standing on the top of the cliff. Over there, there's like holes in the stone cliff that leads all the way down into the water. And apparently some other people who've tried going down left their ropes there. Continue to nuah, tried their bbq corn, played sandcastle building, freesbi. etc. Some got stung by jellyfish tho.. Then at night, we went to the bar to chill. Played finger guessing game with JJ. And he got addicted to it la! After finishing the bucket of beer, he insisted on buying another bottle to play. Super scary! hahaaaa, i'm kind of intimidated by his enthusiasm..

27 June 09
We had snorkelling activity for the whole day. Island hop from one to another. Visited the unseen land of krabi. Very interesting. We were actually in the middle of the sea, in between 2 island. But when we went down the boat, we can actually stand on the ground and the water level is only like waist level. Snorkelling was ogay, not really my kind of activity becos i'm a teeny wheeny deep sea phobia and sea-sickness. It was raining the whole day!! After cleaning up, we had our Letter K dressing up game. So we gathered around and some are alrdy dressed up as their respectively character. I brought stuff to dressed gareth up as mr kiasu, which i think the stuff i brought pull it off quite well. Hmm.. I was was dressed up as kinky batgirl, wearing his batman t-shirt, his jacket as cape and a mask. There's other interesting character ard too. Way too much kittens and kings. And we had derek dressed up as thai girl version of kate moss. It was hilarious!

28 June 09
4th day, we bidded farewell to krabi, and we heard off to ao nan mao pier. Took a van to another beach where we had our kayaking trip. Kayaking is damn fun! It's so much moreeeeeeee interesting than kayaking in sg. We kayak into mangroves and beside gargantuan stone cliffs. We saw monkeys, which jumped into kayak to snatch food. We had pineapple and watermelon on deck, freshly skinned for us by the local tour guides, when we were all dirty and wet. Then we had an elephant ride.. SO exciting as well! The elephant ride in sg zoo is nth compared to the ride we had. We went into forest, muddy areas, into fast flowing streams. We fed the elephants, saw them poo poo and pee pee as and when they like. After which we check into orhid grand inn, then we shopped a bit along the street. At night, we went JJ room to play again. He's so into the finger guessing game la. but we played another brain-cracking game in the end. It felt kind of weird. Cos I'm playing with JJ, gareth, kok siong, and trent. Yes i'm the only girl. The rest of the girls are chatting on the bed instead. HAhahaa.

29th June 09
It's the OT.OT day. We went shopping the whole day, although there's really nth much to shop in tha area. Stayed on the beach for a while. I think my hype up mood died down a bit. hahaaa, i preferred engaging in activity rather than having no aims at all. At night, they chilled a bit at the scruffy irish pub. But i din really have the mood tho. Prolly felt down becos it's the last day of the trip.

30th June 09
Woke up early to catch our flight in the morning. Had lunch with mitchell, efa, ser n larry at T3 popeye b4 heading back home.

I miss krabi and friends!!!!

Quickie post

2009-05-25T00:21:00.003+08:00

Hello, signing off a short post before i'm off for a 6 day trip to krabi, thailand.
Just finished packing my stuff and was perspiring like mad now.
Bad news one after another. Shitty interview outcome, and even more shitty exam results + PMS. How bad can my mood be? I was soooo UPSET!
It had been a series of hectic days.. Oh ya, before that,

" Happy Birthday JLow & Bee Tiang!!! =)"

Jlow's 21st birthday party, followed by a rush-off to ah bee's 21st bbq which extend all the way until 3am.

As of today, we went to the zoo again. Hahaa, like the 351732 times i've been to the zoo.
Okay, but there's new attractions added so, still not that bad. There's CAROUSEL in the zoo!! CAROUSEL!!! And i realise how cute my papa is. Just like a little kid. Always eager to get closer to the animals when the rest of us are already worn out and tired of walking. Then after which we went to had our dinner cum an early birthday celebration for papa.

Haa, alright think i have to end of soon. Cos i need to wake up early tml to catch the morning flight. WHee! Hope it'll be fun~
Will miss everyone of u!!

The part of me i hated

2009-05-19T00:08:00.011+08:00

Opening up, is not something that comes naturally to me.
It is something that i seldom brought it up to anyone... Anyone including myself.
The thought of letting somebody else to see other vulnerable side of you is even more terribly frightening.

"Stripped off of all your protective covering and having no control of your emotions. "

All along i have been like an emotional blackhole, receiving all i experienced. Without questioning, without confrontation. Instinctively all these feelings generate into my sub-conscious level of emotional reaction. Anger, sadness and disappointments.. I do feel, and like anyone else i respond to how i feel. But i find it hard to verbalise my sudden change in mood, making me looked totally unreasonable and petty. But i know that wasn't the case, I wouldn't want myself to be someone throwing fits over trivial stuff. I know very well the moment i attempt to open-up, everything will come pouring out just like a tilted cup filled to the brim with water. I'll be like talking without making any sense, crying uncontrollably because i can no longer contain; crying because i'm am saying what i'm not intending to say.

"Did i just said something i didn't mean? Will i be understood? Can i be accepted again?"

I just hope that nightmares have its own happy endings.
Not just a nod.
I need a firm grip in my palm, telling me everything's going to be alright.
I need a hug, to hush my fears.
I need assurance, telling me "not another word needs to be spoken, i understood completely."

But i never had the chance to experience that.
I had a nod. A nod.
How cold.
It was the worst response i can ever get.
I felt terrible.
But i simply couldnt explain then, only till today.
I begin to understand the reasons for feeling so terrible.
It was uncertainty.

Perhaps you are not good with words.
Perhaps you are at a lost too.
But i believe there's a lot of things that can be unspoken yet with clarity.

I'm back with my protective coverings,
Albeit occassionally suffocating and tiring, it can at least shield me away.
I never ever want that uncertain feeling again..
Never.

Picture by Hannelore Photography, Quote by Boymeetslove

Forgive and forget

2009-05-15T16:42:00.003+08:00

"Forgive and forget. That's what they say. It's good advice, but it's not
very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone
wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled; old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget."

Meredith Grey (Greys Anatomy)

It's the other way round for me.

I can forgive, but i can't forget.

I mean if it is so hurtful for once, i find it difficult to forget, although you may have already forgiven the person.

It's just like a wound, healed and recovered.

But the scar remains.

Random

2009-05-10T01:04:00.003+08:00

I feel like having long hair back again

Shucks, and i just cut my hair a few days ago.

I need a job. Seriously.

I'm broke =(

interphew

2009-05-07T21:49:00.002+08:00

Went for IA interview yesterday. Woke up super duper early because i'm supposed to meet the rest going for the interphew at jurong east interchange at 8 to catch the bus to jurong island checkpoint.

The bus fare which is supposed to be $1.50 turns out to be $2.50. During the bus ride we discussed what's the possible interview questions tt might come out, and they said seniors were asked what's NPSH. I was totally stunned because little did i expect they would test us on technical knowledge.

We joined the queue to exchange for a JI pass after alighting at the checkpoint. The queue was so long and worst it didn't seem to move at all. In the end, a lady came down the queue and help us process our application, so we sort of jumped a portion of the queue and obtained the pass at 9. But it didn't help much because the internal shuttle bus to SRC would only reach by 10. So we waited at the stand, breathing in the exhaust fumes of all kinds of heavy vehicles from fire engine to cranes.

After long torturous wait, we finally board the shuttle bus and again, upon reaching the SRC guard house, we had to alight and exchange the JI pass for a SRC visitor pass, board the bus again which bring us tour around gargantuan sized storage plants until we reached the admin building.

We were quickly ushered into a room as soon as we 'touched down'. We were all initially bored by the journey to our final destination, but anxiety crept in when the interview started. Through a senior who came into the waiting room to 'visit' us, we got to know more abt working in SRC. He mentioned that during shutdown of distillation column, there will be like 1500 bangla against 1 of us -which is quite an intimidating proportion. The size of a screw of can be as huge as a wheel O.O Basically you'll be the worker suit (hahaa, i can't imagine myself in it), and constantly under the sun. After the first interviewee came back, he began to share the interview questions being asked. Indeed, the NPSH question did came out and along with some other technical questions. There's also another interesting question asked whether he know how to cycle, because the only convenient way of travelling from one plant to another is by bicycle. But the interviewer didn't ask me that, prob because of the lack of time.

I think i only fare average for the interview =(, not impressive, not outstanding.. But i really hope to work as an intern there after seeing and hearing so much, and experience it myself.

After everyone were done with the interview, we were hurried off to catch the 12.15 shuttle bus out. Again, we had to alight at the guard house to exchange back our JI pass. But, the annoying bus driver who was supposed to fetch us back to lakeside mrt stn drove us without us!! So we were sort of left stranded practically nowhere. Some 1 malimau road, inside jurong island this barren, remote land, hardly any soul(except for the kind security guard uncle) and normal vehicles like cars (unless u consider countless oil tanker zooming past as normal). The security guard uncle informed us that the bus that left was the last bus and we had to call 2 cab in to fetch us out, exchanged back our IC at the checkpoint again and decided that we should at least have our lunch together before splitting ways.

What a day~ Think we spent 4 hours travelling and waiting.

Picnic!

2009-05-02T00:05:00.005+08:00

Went yans house to prepare sandwich roll ytd. Wohohoo, the process of making it is a bit disgusting, haaa, cos most of the time we were using our bare hands to wrap. Of course we washed our hands, but it just feel weird handling it with bare hands.

We had our first ever CBE picnic at ecp today. Well not really the whole of CBE, but the people tt we usually hang around in school. We started eating as soon as we found a place and settle down.

There's simply lots and plenty of food laid on the mat.

We had sandwich roll, vege salad, pasta (by yans), tiramisu, bacon wrap (by larry). We also have egg mayo, tuna, jelly, watermelon. It's simply sumptuous. After our lunch, we played card games for the whole afternoon, one after another. I made a huge blunder playing saboteur. I am suppose to be act the role of being a saboteur, and i actually forgot about it. So i end up helping the rest of the builder, placing the last card to finding the gold. Then we all cheered when we won that game, only to find out there's a additional builder, whom is me -.-"""'"" SO paiseh! bleah...

When yans and i were on or way home on double-deckered bus 161 broke down half way on the TPE expressway. How suay can the both of us be? LOL, it's the first time i encounter such things, and when the both of us are totally shagged and worn out. After several attempts by the bus driver to restart the engine, he gave up and asked us to alight the bus and refunded us the trip fare. So we waited on the shoulder of the expressway, until another bus which past by pulled over on the first lane and let us board the bus. I think it almost caused a traffic jam when the S.O.S stopped on the first lane.

Hais, yes. That's my first bus broke down experience.

Oh well, perhaps i really jinx vehicles. Ks was reading my car broke down encounters ytd and it happened today!!

2009-04-16T19:00:00.001+08:00

Done with one paper, 4 more to go.

Let's work together for it...

Torn

2009-04-14T00:15:00.014+08:00

I need to study and i need to sleep. Yes, 'and', can anyone tell me how to accomplish this 2 task?

It's bad to fall sick during exams period =(=( HATE IT!!

It's a dilemma whether to take medicine so that i recover faster, or risk having deteriorating health just to earn more time for revision.

Officially start my study week on sat, after spending 2 days at sherry's 21st birthday party.

Got lots to CATCH UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! My previous study-plan had to be redrafted again.

Now i have to fight with the devil of drowsiness, inner-second-self-justification-voice, small brain capacity & time constraint.

Basically took thousands of photos over at the chalet. Yes, all-time fave past time of jiayi. She can be entertained just with a camera alone. Thank god she didn't own one. XD!

That's for now!

IAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIA!!!

2009-04-07T18:43:00.003+08:00

Endure through the torturous monday.
Body finally succumbed to fatigueness.
Had a terrible splitting headache, sore throat and fever.
Slept as early as 8pm. But just couldnt sleep well.
Had lab today morning, still had incomplete lab report pending submission.

Finally all these were over!!
From now to tomorrow, all i have to worry is which company to attached to for my IA.

90 plus interviewing positions, which we can choose 1 from.
18 non-interviewing positions, which we need too choose 9 from.
How dumb issit?

That means by hook or by crook must get the interviewing position, if not will have to compete with those who failed the interview for the pathetic 9 positions...

hell-ectic

2009-04-04T00:46:00.002+08:00

soooo tired for the past week.

Have been waking early and sleeping late!

Just monday alone, i have 2 presentation and 1 quiz.. just damn suay, cos i've only got 2 presentation this sem, n both end up at the same day. And the quiz, i just got to know abt it this week.

By tues have to submit weekly lab report.

A few piles of undone-behind-schedule tutorial...

Having lectures all the way the week before exams.

And yes, all of those taught 1 week before exams are examinable.

I just feel like swearing *^#*(&(@*)(@&#^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to

Couldn't agree more

2009-03-27T22:30:00.001+08:00

Drifting woods

2009-03-15T02:26:00.003+08:00

so now i have some anonymous secret admirer? H.a.h.a, not funny.
Is it because i've mention earlier that i need some exitement and spice in life?
Thanks, i don't need, at least not in this sense.
Totally absurd.

I like my current state in life, i think i'm starting to get study oriented again.
Finally back to the same old me, domestic girl (as labelled by hong, XD!). Nothing for me to crack my brain and trouble about. Hanging out with normal people, very gladful to have known my uni and singtel friends. At least i still have some others to hang on to while going through this transitional stage that is bound to come.

Tired to piece different jigsaw puzzle back again
Tired of having to make it as if nothing has happened.
Tired to even bother to feel angry.
Don't feel anything about it.

Leaving things as it is, and letting the wind and waves wash them off.
I think it will be better this way, because it's just not meant to be.

PS: this is not emo-ing, it's more of a 看破红尘。。。Friends are not forever.

This is for...

2009-03-11T22:28:00.004+08:00

everyone
for me

for the lovers

for jy

:):)

Jaded

2009-03-11T01:42:00.002+08:00

Have been working like a cow for the past few days. So busy with sch stuff but not actually working on tutorials and revision of core module. Putting all our concentrations onto HW becos we got a C for our proposal, which comes as a great shock for us, when it's only like 2 AUs. Bleah =P. Going to sch everyday despite only having a 4 day week schedule, and started working as soon as i got home, all the way till 2 plus.

I'm feeling so hungry now. Feel like drinking some creamy hot mushroom soup. LOL!
Forget it, i shall not waste any more time dreaming and craving for food. 4 pandas will attend tml 8.30 class.

Spare me some time to sleep?
Or you can help me with my dreams.

"Mummy can i don't go to school pwease?"

2009-03-02T23:08:00.004+08:00

credits to icanread & halfheartedly

Tsk tsk...

2009-03-01T20:14:00.007+08:00

I'm going explode soon. I'm like five-quarter full now, that i thought i was conceiving. The other quarter is spilling out of my stomach. XD! That's the complication of those perpetual unexpected windfalls for my daddy.

Came back from NATAS fair, we lugged bags of brochures, lots of them irrelevant. Haa.. Yay! We finally booked our trip to taiwan. Yoohooo... Retail therapy after exams!!

Yet another productive day, i guess my neglected lecture notes are all screaming for my attention.

I want to attain

2009-02-25T18:54:00.004+08:00

“To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It
doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.”

Progress report

2009-02-25T18:45:00.002+08:00

I need to start revision really soon. 1 week break just not enough for me to even catch my breath.

Things that i must accomplish:

Formal lab report
HW assignment 2
mug for CRE quiz
mug for HP804 quiz

I know they aren't really a lot. But i keep procrastinating, and that's bad! I just want to shop and play. I want more moolahs, more pretty clothes, like many other girls. =(

Just to be fair...

2009-02-25T00:14:00.004+08:00

By Jessica Leigh Griffith

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Worth reading

2009-02-23T21:22:00.007+08:00

By Jessica Leigh Griffith

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don’t give it up on the first date, who don’t want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they’ve heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren’t perfect and that the guys they’re interested in aren’t either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe… maybe this time he’ll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” to “time heals all wounds.” This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it’s an experience that they don’t want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they’d rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn’t care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they’re too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one’s for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won’t because it’s easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he’s just not ready, he’s just not over her, he’s just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it’s easier to believe that it’s not that they don’t want you, it’s that they don’t want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you’ve returned home alone, for the nights when you’ve seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he’s with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn’t that he didn’t want a relationship: it was that he didn’t want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he’d realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the “I really like you, so let’s still be friends” comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you’ve received from your female friends, for the nights they’ve reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you’d have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we’ve believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we’d have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don’t think that they deserve more, because they’ve been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don’t understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don’t appreciate them and don’t want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call… and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the “stalker chick” you’d met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this “nice girl” who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you’re not looking for a nice girl. You’re not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you’re looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don’t say you’re on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won’t answer your catcalls, sometimes you’re looking at a nice girl in whore’s clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we’re all thinking the same thing: “This isn’t me. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be wearing a t-shirt and flannel shorts, I’ll have slept alone and I’ll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me.” You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don’t want the nice girl.. so don’t say you’re looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we’re willing to extend - - but in return, we’re looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they’re running they’re chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets… the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she’s a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won’t matter), hoping against hope that maybe you’ll realize that they’re the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won’t last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we’re waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what’s a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

spent

2009-02-23T21:10:00.002+08:00

First day of term break,
i slept for 9 hours, woke up, ate porridge, popped a painkiller
and went back to sleep for another 6 hours.
I can't believe i slept for 15 hours. I'm like.. hibernating?
Woke up, started to shiver and tremble, popped a second pill.
Laid around, and puke some of my breakfast, gastric acid and bitter medicine.

A bad way to start my holiday?
Productivity? None.

How ironic?

2009-02-22T17:19:00.002+08:00

These words ain't for me.
I'm doing the exact opposite as a matter of fact.
But i don't know why i'm still posting it.

NUMBED

2009-02-22T01:29:00.004+08:00

Did i just had a local heart anesthesia?

My heart just stopped beating, and i stopped feeling.

I need a revival, a rebirth?

A new me.

Bottled-up

2009-02-19T23:12:00.003+08:00

"mei ting had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb..."

I'm bored.

Sch tml as usual, except for it's the last day of sch before recess week starts.

Horray? ....Nah, wasn't looking forward to it...
Promise to ask me out during the week break?

Pwease?

2009-02-12T14:21:00.002+08:00

The bridge club
Right outside Lt 1

I need some pyschological and emotional adjustment.

Back to reality

2009-02-09T23:55:00.004+08:00

Batam trip was 'okay'.
Probably because i had a better bintan trip.
Had a sumptuous seafood lunch.
Had my first ever body massage which is an eye opening experience.

Back to hectic school life

so much for being, goody two shoes

2009-02-06T23:54:00.005+08:00

Oh great, i screwed my paper.

And i realise to survive in uni, you'll have to fall into any of the 3 categories.

First, you are the smart kid, who doesn't need to attend lecture or tutorial, and still able to produce results/top the dean's list.

If you are not one of them, fret not. Here comes the next, the mugger, who basically coop yourself in hall/at home attempting every single tutorial and always on track. Kudos to you :)

Unfortunately, i'm neither of them. Well probably i might still have a chance if i'm in the third category. None other than, the loopholes onlooker. Forget about all the assignments, you can easily bluff your way through, either by pulling strings/blatantly peeping in quizzes/taking mc.

But i just can't do it, i can't lie that i'm sick when i'm not. It's simply too rampant in uni. ARGH..

Putting things aside. Pack my bags, and ready to go, before that i'll just leave this behind for the time being.

Clearing

2009-02-04T22:54:00.003+08:00

I think this week is the most productive week ever since sch started for me. Because i'm leaving sg for a holiday at batam this saturday *hurray*, and i wanted to clear all those tutorials i have accumulated over the past 1 month.

I need to. Cos i have not even attempt to do even 1 tutorial of the coming quiz on fri. I'm going to mug for it tml. Like hell, i understand nuts for this module, i don't know what's going on at all. T.T Let's just cross-fingers i can scrap through this :)

twenty-five?

2009-02-02T01:06:00.001+08:00

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you!

1) I like to put up a strong front even though i'm the exact opposite as i'm appearing to be.

2) I can be both demure and outgoing. Like how i love sewing and scrapbooking, but also like outdoor adventures like kayaking or another other 'garang' activity.

3) I like constant changes, easily bored by mundane stuff. Probably this boils down to my sagittarius personality.

4) I ever threw my bunch house key down the rubbish chute, and also broke a key while trying to unlock the lock with the other half of the key still jammed in the lock.

5) My ambition when i'm a kid was to be the president of singapore. I asked my mum whether girls can be president too.

6) I have natural brown hair, and i was amused by unprofessional hairdresser who advised me to re-dye my hair.

7) I have long term and very serious insomnia which is why i have very prominent dark eyes circle.

8) 99.9% of the time i'm online, i'm actually appearing offline.

9) Wishy-washy and whiny people irritates me to the core.

10) I don't watch horror movies at all, neither do i like comedy/romance movies. I only think that action movies are worth watching.

11) I have small fleshy palms and short stubby fingers, which is unlike many girls whom usually have long sleek fingers.

12) I used to sleepwalk a lot.

13) I'm not good in expressing my inner feeling and thoughts.

14) I do crazy stuff when i reached my study-saturation level, like singing and dancing awfully, regardless where i am.

15) When i'm still a kid, I gave the stupidest answer when asked what i want to do when i grow up. I answered the host, " i want to help my mum wash the laundry" XD! I didn't care much becos i was eye-ing for the free robot vitamin pills.

16) I stirred the content in the toilet bowl while my mum was bathing me when i was a kid. Yess, disgust i know.

17) I don't regret for any decisions i made for myself, i treat them as learning experience.

18) I'm extremely untidy, i don't make my bed at all, i don't clear the mess on my study table. My wardrobe is like a post-war scene.

19) I love my family, my papa & mama for giving us such a wonderful wonderful childhood memories, my sister for being like a kpo aunty, my elder and younger brother.

20) I'm glad for the friends i have, even though not a lot.

21) I don't really like to watch teewee. When i'm alone at home, i hardly switch it on by myself.

22) I can eat a lot, esp during sch term. My mama likes to feed us with food and our rice bowl is prolly the size of your soup bowl.

23) I can be very mean when talking to people i'm know very well.

24) I don't quite like talking on phone, and maybe most of the time i'm doodling on paper when i'm talking on phone.

25) My face and ear can get tomato red when i'm shy or embarrassed or even laughing and i get sunburnt easily.

CNY

2009-01-29T13:41:00.004+08:00

New hair cut. Yay or nay?

My pathetic one and only new year top from miss selfridge

At grandma's house

Traditional yummy mee sua

团拜！

This is what you do when are bored. . .

2009-01-22T12:11:00.003+08:00

In the car. . .

But shopping for potted plants for CNY is fun!

Ks looking geeky. . .

3rd week of school

2009-01-20T00:50:00.002+08:00

Sch starts, life back to the stale and the dull.

My tutorial starts piling.
My engine stops working.
My playful cells deteriorate and die.

CNY is coming.

I can probably survive another week.
IA is impending next sem.
My future seems bleak.

Will you do me a favor?
Add some sparks, a little spices, a bit more excitement in my life.

Break away

2009-01-03T21:34:00.009+08:00

I have my pride and i can tell when you've already reached a decision but choose not to say, a cowardly manner i would say, and i despise that. Just say that you are tired of trying to accomodate, trying to change, trying to salvage a failed relationship. It can at least show the sincerity and i would give the utmost respect for the decision. Leaving me with the two options, are as good as leaving me none other than to break up.
To me, it is just a better way of putting youself in a convenient position.

Whichever the case, I don't want to spend time moping over a failed relationship - life's too short. I just want to free myself and move on with my life. Time can really heal everything, i don't want to put all the blames onto someone. Being so open and frank for the past few days, for the first time i felt i have actually break away from my barrier. Nope, i've never regret, in fact i hate to regret making any decisions, afterall i've learnt quite a lot from it and also make me know myself better in a way. Felt so much better saying it out, though my answer for your question can never reach you.

Mr plaster

2009-01-02T00:41:00.005+08:00

Episode 728319
Cast: Mr plaster, build smooth, continue smelly, plus one and me.

build smooth says:
plus one...you means xiao niang er or the little plaster?

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
hahaaa

plus one says:
xiao niang re.....lol! little plaster also lah...faster end it...

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
yah... if u all take action le must keep me inform k

plus one says:
huh take what action? haha, i think mt need to take action first before we can take bahh esp build smooth and me cos we need to pretend we dunno some stuffs eh

build smooth says:
she meant continue smelly episode

plus one says:
huhhh why so many episodes one hahaha

build smooth says:
when continue smelly will start pulling the plaster off meiting...then meiting can take action

plus one says:
oohhh.....but take off plaster very pain one...cos still got wounds there...must take carefully

build smooth says:
continue smelly will help meiting pull the plaster off a bit...so that meiting can pull it off totally...if not the plaster will tear...

plus one says:
hmmm good....the plaster waterproof one anot....if not later stain then tear

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
omg... u r very lame lo...

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
wad tear off plaster very pain!

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
XD!

plus one says:
yah what! got injury then put plaster very pain one leh!

plus one says:
hahahahahhahaha

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
i think plaster will feel painer than me leh

plus one says:
of cos lah...you not plaster what hahahah

build smooth says:
glas...you want to write a cartoon movies?...the plaster life

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
i where gt injury...

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
the plaster... came sticking to me itself

plus one says:
i say plaster go injury

plus one says:
then he still put plaster on his wounds

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
lol

plus one says:
later pull out he cryy

plus one says:

build smooth says:
no wat...meiting have a injury...then plaster pity meiting...so stck himself to stop infection...but when the blood dry and injury heal...he stick evn more...fuse with the skin...so difficult to remove...since time pass the plaster also more fragile

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
dots dots dots.

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
wad pity me......

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
i dun need pity 1 k...

build smooth says:
so need continue smelly to help to find where to remove the plaster...then meiting can tear it off....with great care...if not the plaster will tear...

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
a piece of cake for me

plus one says:
hahaha...then must use spammer to take off the plaster lehh....

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
RUBBISH!!!

build soon says:
Apiece of cake?

build smooth says:
of course piece of cake cause you heal le...the plaster tear not your skin...waahahaahahhahahahahaha

build smooth says:
but sometime dun put plaster the skin heal fasster

plus one says:
but then its a fact that the plaster is already on the wound! hahahahahahahha

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
u all talk until very shuang hor

build smooth says:
cause meiting skin very white and smooth...plaster like....wahahahahahahhahahahahaha...we machiam like idiot here

plus one says:
hahahahahahhaha

plus one says:
white worse lehh

plus one says:
later the wound very ming xian......

plus one says:
must paint mt's skin darker

plus one says:
hahaahah

build smooth says:
so meiting lets go kayaking...so your skin more dark....

build smooth says:
i sacrificing my life to keep asking you out in front of plaster....later he kill me in the middle of the night...he climb through the window

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
hello.. u live on the 9th floor leh

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
he's only a plaster.. not a spider man

plus one says:
but he always watch spiderman

plus one says:
he still got watch batman!

plus one says:
can flyy!

build smooth says:
plaster can stick and stick up the wall wat...no need fly...

plus one says:
but the building got so many dirt

plus one says:
later the plaster cannot stick already

plus one says:
so plaster need wind to facilitate him to fly up your floor

build v says:
so he watch the secret to learn where to get the wind....

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
since when there's wind in the secret

plus one says:
oh no wonder he likes to watch the secret lah!

plus one says:
the secret got tornado somemore

build smooth says:
sorry lae...i dun watch that kind of love here die there that kind of movies...this kind of show will corrupt the young energetic dynamic minds of the youth...forcing them to think love is so fantasy

plus one says:
lol this kind of movies will cheat little children, not big mature adults like ME hahahahahahha

♥ Maiden on the carousel ♥ says:
dots... it is. hey.. dun forget ur new yr resolution.. to get a gf lo

build smooth says:
...i dun wan my gf to be the girl in SECRET....-.-...my gf will be someone from ODAC...wahahahahahahahahahahahahha

Look into the mirror, what do you see

2008-12-30T11:32:00.003+08:00

I don't like to do self-reflection, because more often than not, i'll end up clueless and conclusionless.

For the past few months, our conversation has been revolving around the same old mind-boggling and bewildering topic, with me, inevitably becoming the one of the "main-character" involved. I don't denied that i was eager to dig up more information initially, because the whole thing is just like a drama storyline - totally unbelievable. But as time goes by, I just wanted to pull myself out, and resolve it once and for all.

My way of doing things are very straight and clear cut. I don't like grey areas. But i guess i have to be more sensitive and tactful in handling this. I still don't know what and how i'm going to trash it out, but i know eventually i'll have to do it, because it's not only bugging me, but also people around me.

I had hard time trying to sleep last night. Surprisingly, not because of what we've discussed ytd, but a xin jie i had all along. I think my brain is capturing all the not-important statements and non-verbal cues among the so many talkings going on, and translating themselves into meanings. This is why i don't like to think, because i don't want to entertain anymore 'maybe' and 'probably' or trying to decipher the underlying messages. Afterall, the things i wanted to know so badly are of no importance anymore.

Sometimes i feel that it's a wiser choice to follow your brain than to follow your heart.

The Fateful Sunday

2008-12-22T15:57:00.008+08:00

Papa brought us to the Singapore Flyer! It was quite an experience, but i thought that paying 30 bucks for the experience, hmm.. not that worth it afterall. But i think we were really lucky, cos a lot of people i knew, went there, and it rained. We had a perfect weather yesterday, and i recommend everyone to take the ride in the evening because it's not scorching hot and you can have a great view of whole of Singapore. Don't ever think of taking the flyer at night, because i reckon you'll be missing out on way lots of stuff.

We shun bian go Marine Barrage after taking Sg Flyer. It was sooo windy over there, i could hardly open my eyes. They have this grass-patched rooftop which i initially thought would be carpet grass just like ADM of NTU. But it turns out to be those normal grass seen everywhere. The arc-fountain is the place where i met with the mishap, and ended up with a sprained-ankle :(

Oh ya, we went to vivo city some other day, and i think that their christmas deco is so much nicer than anywhere else. Those christmas lightings over at orchard is so yucky. I mean 'derr...' they are not even nice and definitely no 'wowing-factor'. Tangs was okay, Wisma has got hmm.. nth?? Taka and Shaw - a big big cross. But vivo had a super huge gigantic christmas tree with a beautifully lighted carriage. Simple and nice.

Updates

2008-12-20T23:56:00.003+08:00

Chalet-ed. It was a rather weird one, cos

1. we didn't really drink

2. we didn't really play any card games

3. we didn't stayed up for even 1 night

4. our night activity is watching teewee

It's just so-not-chalet. lols. OKay la, i don't want to make it sound so bad laa..

I'm very gladful that it didn't turn out worse.

Oh yea, we went palau ubin, somewhere i've always wanted to go ^^ and finally for the first time in my life, i saw the quarry for myself. It's beautiful! Then we went chek jawa too, and it rained. When we were back on mainland, the rain became a downpour laa.. I don't why, but we still decide to make our way back to our chalet. So we chiong in the rain for the nearest bus stop. Omg, it's so freaking freezing cold... grrr.... we were all drenched inside out. It was crazy, i can't rmb when was the last time i did something so crazy.

Then we had a K session at chevrons on some other day. It was again weird to me. Too many weird things... But we had great time screaming into the mic.

Sis is finally back from korea. She brought lots of stuff back. DAMN A LOT! She carried luggage of 60kg. LIke what!?! It's really nuts. Anw, she literally swept all beauty and cosmetic shops especially faceshop. They gave out free-flow of free gift. XD! No joke. She brought back more free gifts than what she've bought. I asked my sis to buy me toner, and she got a 'fruit juice toner' from skin food for around $14. Guess how much i saw it retailing at in sg??? They're selling at $45. yes....$45!!! omg... super-overpriced.

Va va vrrooom... i want a longer holiday!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

2008-12-09T01:32:00.003+08:00

Timbre - Substation

After haircut

2008-12-09T00:15:00.001+08:00

you people are

SCREWED UP!

2008-12-06T01:53:00.003+08:00

I got the shocked of my life when i received this from jy, wj ks and sherry.

It's part of my dream fascinated lamp and furniture, but i think i had better stop this little-girl's-dream-room craze. If not i will get more heart attacks. Actually i feel rather bad to be honest. Cos it must have burn a lot of people's pocket, and i know that very well.. I really love it! But i would have been equally happy with just a simple birthday gathering cum celebration with everybody present. The party world session was fun! It's been quite some time since we last met like we used to, in a 像样 clique size. (with 75% attendance rate. lols, 6 out of 8)

Singtel clique got me contact lens. Weird? hhahaaa. I always wanted to put on contact lenses but i didn't really take any actions because i just feel that i need someone's accompany. Its afterall a rather scary thing to go through. But i'm so proud of myself! Hahahaa, cos putting in the contact lens is a breeze for me! I took a teeny weeny more time to take it out though.

very sweet organiser ( if u realise both the lamp n organisers have floral printed fabrics XD!)

All this aside. I realised that i have been emotionally imposing on someone after talking to jlow when she mention that she doesn't like to be involve in 2 other people's relationship problem. Like asking someone to convey/deliver my message on my behalf because of a strain-relation or to speak and stand out for me. I think it's time for me to speak for myself. But first i really need to sort out some feelings. I really feel that i have difficulties expressing my feelings into words. My vocabulary bank is shrinking :( 词穷啦!!! So its very hard for me to tell people or let people know what i'm thinking. Booo...

2nd dec, is just another ordinary day

2008-12-04T00:39:00.004+08:00

Stayed overnight in huan's hall after going Jurong Island. We had a cosy steamboat dinner in her hall! lols. Rather amazed cos we did all the steamboat preparation in her toilet (hahaa, sounds a bit digusting right?) and ate on her small little ikea table. They bought me lovely helium heart-shaped balloons! It's really nice, but the red balloon probably had a leak so it couldn't float :( We finally had the chance to play bridge again, after SOoooo long. And we all went hysterical when we played heart-attack! LOLS. And we played mahjong on the super small table too.. It really test our mahjong arranging skills lo, cos the table can only fit exactly 18tiles long and the 19th tile had to be put somewhere else. They bought brownies and a organiser for me. Guess what? I saw that exactly pattern and copy of the organiser on sun actually when i went town with my bro. How coincidental can that be!?!

Thank you girls and everybody's wishings!

Appreciate them from the deepest of my heart.

Yans, wei, huan

jy, wj, kelly, sherry

yeppy, amin

jlow, hong (super hilarious blunder), yt, deb, try, dez

larry, weihao, choon xin

Somehow this year, it feels totally different. I'm felt happy and sad at the same time. This is the first time for the past 5/6 years that i didn't celebrate my birthday with my oldest clique of friends. Although i already knew it's not going to happen, It just feel weird because you are not doing the things that you used to do in the past. Looking back at those archives and look at us now. Vulnerable, fragile friendships. I hate this ineffable feelings. That is why i'm gladful for the girls. Not because i'm afraid of spending my birthday alone (well maybe a bit), but because it shows that you are still being appreciated and friendship still hasn't totally failed you.

Hais, let's go on a lighter mood :)

我還想她

2008-11-29T02:41:00.004+08:00

泪水将我淹没到底谁该难过

究竟是谁放掉这段感情

我才终于明白办不到的承诺就成了枷锁

现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她笑着难过自我惩罚

想终止这一切挣扎横了心说真心谎话

别告诉她我还想她

恨总比爱容易放下

当泪水堵住了胸口

就让沉默代替所有回答

我不爱我不痛我不懂

我的心早已经掏空

真心话言不由衷

请告诉她我不爱她笑着难过自我惩罚想

终止这一切挣扎横了心说真心谎话

别告诉她我还想她恨总比爱容易放下

当泪水堵住了胸口就让沉默代替所有回答

27th nov

2008-11-28T20:13:00.005+08:00

It marks the day we officially end Yr 2 sem 1 examinations! Muahaaa, can burn all the lecture notes lo! First to burn, Fluids mechanics. I don't want to da bao either *cross-fingers*.

After exams, the four of us and theodric planned to go NUH bazaar, followed by lunch at Holland V and last destination, orchard. Initially theordric is driving, but he said it takes some time for his car's engine to start. Lol, so we waited for like 15mins to no avail :(

Then qifeng(aka theordric's ex) decided to join us too! So he drive his super lao pok proton car and the 6 of us set off. Not even like half-way on the road, at a junction, the car broke down lo! Qifeng said the when he stepped onto the accelerator, it slow down instead, then when he stepped on brake, the whole engine stall. Broke down at the 2nd lane of some ulu jalan bahar place somemore. So freaking scary, cos some of the cars start honing us and we have to get out of the proton car when other car is zooming past.

Damn suay and pathetic k, the four girls waited on the pavement beside the road while theodric n qifeng remained on the road. Theodric took out some broken beach chair from the car boot to notify other driver. SUper funny la! OMg.......... The whole scene is so hilarious. Can you imagine a laopok proton car, with a broken chair, and 4 distress damsels. Somemore we are still so NEAR SCH!!!!! Even bus 199 pass by -.-" Some super evil and mean young drivers wind down their window panes and started pointing and laughing at us. No joke! Laughing, and gloating over our mishap...

Trying to take picture of the broken chair. XD!

Really cannot believe why we are so suay ytd. 2 cars down in one day.. My third exciting experience on friend's car. First was xing ru's car accident, second was dez's lao pok merc, and third is this. I'm not a car jinx!!! I'm not!!!!!!!!!!! XD.

In the end qi feng drove his red plate vios and we had to give the bazaar a miss. Went for lunch at holland v, then to orchard. By the time we reached orchard, all of us alrdy very shagged, cos we made a lot of detours in search of parking lot. Later weiteng and larry joined us too! Such a big clique to go for shopping lo. Our shopping trip din last long.. Went home at 8 plus.

It's really not recommended to go for shopping after exam..

我不甘心！

2008-11-21T00:48:00.003+08:00

I just feel like slacking for today, though i know there's still a pile of stuff waiting for my brain to assimilate.

Felt like i've been a cave man for ages....
When was the last time i pampered myself?
Eh.... prolly tt haircut was the last.

How i hope i can burn those lectures notes, dump it into a glass of water, drink them like amulets and do well for my exams. HOM.MA.LI.HOM

My bro did exceedingly well for his PSLE... he outshone all of us, and scored 248. I should feel happy for him, but wasn't really in the mood to do so, cos today's paper is exact opposite to his situation.. Arh!!! Even more sad right?

AND *^#&%#*)@*( He die die wants to go riverside sec can?? Can he tell that i condemn RS so much??? I just don't understand.

demoralised to the maxxx

2008-11-20T23:08:00.003+08:00

What's the point for studying so hard for fluids mechanics!!? It's totally meant to kill everyone. Can anyone tell me if the problem lies with me and my retarded brain? I just totally stunt at the 5 questions that laid before me. They looked so totally alien to me! It absolutely doesn't have any resemblance to those tutorial questions we have done before. It's not as if i didn't put in effort into it, imagine like spending your best effort to whack on this module, only to be get smack real hard by this paper.

I've never felt so helpless at all before. Not before at all.
How bad is it?
I know none of the answer to the question.
So, i see this is why seniors said that answering one question is suffice to secure you a 'B'.
YES, this is how bad it is.

So frustrated that i feel it's pointless to continue mugging for the rest of my remaining paper.
Retarded freaks!

快要疯掉了

2008-11-12T02:16:00.002+08:00

Information overload

Tomorrow will be my first exam.

Spread over 3 weeks, all the way until 27 Nov.

Wish me luck.

Fluctuating

2008-10-30T00:47:00.002+08:00

My mood and emotions are like a rollercoaster ride.

Sometimes, fluctuation can be even more exciting than the stock exchange.
It can turn even more uglier than the recent financial crisis.

Plunging all the way into the deep endless pithole.
Clinging only onto a tiny puny yet strong branch.

And that's why i'm still here typing right away.
I just want to... feel better *sigh*