everything's not right

my pinky hurt! issit spell tt way? anyway, u get my meaning. The softball hit my little finger and i gt a blue black... it's so pain tt i can't even bend it now... have problem with writing things. ytd hit my elbow against some object... and in the end, blue black again. I hit the numb part of the elbow... and i can't bend my elbow too... so i guess the whole of my right hand is useless for the time being... earlier this afternoon, we attend mr khoo's tutorial. all of us were chatting happily cos fengru and hongrong were fooling around... all of a sudden hongrong shouted out the 'F' word when mr khoo ask him to stop... and mr khoo's face turn black... i was thinking..'oh no..' b4 the lesson starts, i already sense tt mr khoo's nt right... he's behaving weirdly this day... still rmb tt time when he ask fengru to water the 'fake potted plant'... thought he was kidding... but he's behaviour so weird... wonder wat happen to him... i'm quite stun when he flare up, cos i forgot to bring the tutorial...nar.. today attended the wad scholoarship development prog... almost fall aslp... there's so many pre-requisite... and blah blah... haiz... promos coming... haven start my revision yet. Got to study!!! so tired, mentally and physically. couldn't slp ytd... have to make myself more tired... make sure today i have a gd night slp...
Why can't i get rid of insomnia? why can't i rmb to bring my lecture notes and hmk? why can't i be less clumsy? why can't i be stronger and taller? why can't i be more motivated... it's an irony. gave a speech today, saying that people must be passionate in learning nt cos they are afraid of failure.. but i'm nt... yes, somehow i'm afraid of failure... the talk today say tt a scholar must have aspiration... but i dun. I dunno wat i'm working towards... i just study for the sake of studying. I'm studying and i'm not performing up to my standard... wat am i doing! i din say this in front of my frens though... cos i score better in most subject, i wouldn't want them to say i'm trying to act humble... i'm really not doing well i'm used to be... maybe i'm not trying hard enough... everything is just not right...